I Love 2 Cities

Sometimes I can’t believe that I live in Northern Virginia.

I lived in the same house for 18 years, out in the woods of a small town in Southern Washington. Not once did I think that I would ever live within 30 minutes of Washington DC. I have been here a year and a half now, and I already often have thoughts of moving back home. I love Virginia. I really do. I love the area. I love being so close to so many things. And I love the east coast now. But I also love Vancouver, WA. I love the northwest. I actually love the rain. And I just miss my family.

Today a paper was pinned to our door saying that it is almost time to renew our lease. And I find myself a little overwhelmed. As we get ready to sign another 13 month lease, I just don’t want to think about being here for another year. But it’s not so much that I don’t want to be here for another year… I just don’t want to not be home for another year.

I think I am just feeling a little scared about the future. I had no problem signing a lease last year, and I was so excited about it. When Josh and I moved to Virginia it was exciting and new and I thought of it as a little adventure. A temporary home. But as we sign away another 13 months, I am feeling lost. Is this really temporary? How many more leases will there be?

I don’t know how long Josh and I will live in Virginia. Maybe this will be our last lease here. Maybe we will buy a home here. And maybe we will raise our children here when the time comes. Or maybe we will move around more. Maybe we will spend time in Chicago, or Florida, or California, or Minnesota. And maybe… we will move back home.

What scares me is that I don’t know. But what I do know is that I am happy and sad and scared and excited all at the same time. And what I realize is that I don’t need to know how long we will be here, or where we will live in the future. I don’t need to know where we will raise our babies, or if we will even ever have babies. God knows. And although I will admit that I have been very selfish lately, and haven’t been at all the person that God wants me to be, I am trusting Him now. I am being happy and excited in Ashburn, VA even when I miss home. And I am learning how strange it is to love two places as much as I love Ashburn and Vancouver.