Moms Belong Too

I’d like to share a story with you… an experience I had recently.

I was very pregnant, just a couple weeks away from having Moses, and dealing with prenatal depression. It took every ounce of energy I had to load up Ivan and go to the grocery store. Ivan was having a really tough day and I got to experience my first public toddler meltdown in middle of Winco. He was crying very loudly and “making a scene”. I was sweating, choking back tears, and trying to just keep it together and finish grocery shopping. Others were staring, rolling their eyes, and giving me looks. I carried on and tried to finish my shopping quickly. 

When we were checking out Ivan dropped a yogurt and it exploded on the floor. I asked for paper towels and got down on the floor. Did anybody offer to help the very pregnant woman clean a big puddle of yogurt off of the floor? Nope. Everyone just walked by and stared. Not even an employee offered to help. I held it together until I got to the car and then I sobbed in my car.

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There are a lot of videos and posts going around right now about how we need to stop complaining about motherhood and view it as a gift. These posts feel like they are shaming the moms who share jokes, memes, reels/tik toks about the struggles of motherhood. But you know what? Some of us need and appreciate the humor. We appreciate a meme or a video that is poking fun at the hard parts of motherhood. Why? Because it reminds us that we are not alone. It reminds us there is nothing wrong with our kids. It reminds us that others understand.

There is just too much shame on the internet. People view feelings as an OR when feelings are very much an AND. You can feel so happy to be a mother AND be struggling. You can love being a stay-at-home-mom AND long for a break. You can hate some moments of motherhood AND feel so fulfilled by being a mom. 

Society has unfortunately made moms feel unwelcome. Our feelings are unwelcome. Our cranky toddlers who are having a bad day are unwelcome. Our pregnant bodies and postpartum bodies are unwelcome. We are only allowed to be out in public if our children are quiet and well-dressed. We are only allowed to post on the internet if it’s a happy photo about how much we love our lives. We aren’t allowed to want a break. We aren’t allowed to be in a grocery store on a bad day. We aren’t allowed to share a joke about how exhausting kids can be (apparently that means we hate our children).

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I’m just here to say that moms belong to society too. Moms are allowed to have bad days and have feelings. Having a bad day doesn’t mean we hate being a mom. Joking doesn’t mean we hate our kids. Our toddler crying in the grocery store doesn’t mean we are a bad parent. 

So next time you see a mom in a grocery store who’s toddler is having a bad day, maybe smile at her. Maybe tell her she’s doing a great job. Maybe tell her that we all have bad days and that’s okay. And maybe, just maybe, if you see a very pregnant mom trying to clean yogurt up off the floor that her toddler spilled, just ask if she needs help. She might still say no, but the fact that you asked might just mean the world to her in that moment.